You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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