so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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