there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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