Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Welp...herpes.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
