I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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