I'm so fucking centered right now
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
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