i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Randomize
