Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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