I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
