Did you just see the Batmobile???
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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