Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Oh god it's open bar.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
