So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
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