would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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