i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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