the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Randomize
