i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
