You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
