Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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