I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
