FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize