I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
