i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Alive.
So much puke
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Randomize
