never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
