My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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