i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
