If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
