I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
