It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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