i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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