I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
