apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
