Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
You may now shotgun with the bride
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I still have a little drunk in my system
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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