You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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