Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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