Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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