just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
you would pick up someone in the library
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
