I cockslap morals
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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