...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize