Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I can't turn off my feet"
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
