i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
