I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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