Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
