He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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