Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
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