its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
