finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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