That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
