it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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