Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
