I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
