I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize