I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
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