he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
