Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Randomize
