My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize