haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I need mimosas to revive my soul
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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