Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
