my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
