$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
