i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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