her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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