I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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