turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Randomize
