did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
