I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
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