so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
