Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
