So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I just want to make out with him forever
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
