So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I want to fling myself into the sun
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
