Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
