We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
