i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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