haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
