Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
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