I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Randomize
