Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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