a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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