The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
