Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
i drank out of a bidet.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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