glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
