He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Less talking, more tequila
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
