I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
then he tried to convert me to islam
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize