It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
