why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
