Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
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