Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Say something about gay babies.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
