His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
