I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
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