So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
How naked do you want me to be?
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