I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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