just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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