Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize