just come out here and I will go home with you...
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
