i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
now i know why i became what i already was.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Randomize
