Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
