My sheets look like a crime scene.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Randomize
