the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
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