Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
