I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
