This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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