who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
