I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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