i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
