I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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