Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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