he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Randomize
