Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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